Pitty pat pat
Being a student of an All Girls Convent school, I didn't have too much notable interaction with the opposite gender (Relatives and the few family friends excluded) till quite late in my life. But my first crush (the human kind, not the celebrity kind) was admittedly before those significant interactions took place.
I guess the heart wants what the heart wants - even if it's from a distance, and just fleetingly.
He was wearing a white shirt. One of those crisply ironed white shirts, along with some formal pants and shoes. I was in my school van, sitting by the window (probably sulking about some school thing or the other) and as we (the van ..., not him and I together!) stopped at the signal, he pulled up his bike right next to my window.
I don't remember his eyes. I don't remember what bike he rode.
But I will never forget that feeling.
The first time when your heart races, even though you haven't been running.
The first time a blush creeps up on you when no one has said a word complementing or embarrassing you.
I watched him all the way from the signal, till the van turned right into the school and he went on ahead to wherever he was headed.
That was the first time my heart went pitty pat pat.
I still...and probably always will remember that.
Years went by. More celebrity crushes....some cute boys checked out in different schools during interschool events, but never that thud from the heart. Till one seemingly insignificant day when I was walking along, through a supermarket, and saw him. He was way too young to have fathered the little girl he carried and the little boy he guided. He was thin and tall, and he had one hand behind that itsy boy - ready to pull him out of harm's way, and keeping him from bumping into things. Ahhh...those hands. Long fingered and strong looking. - Pitty pat pat ..pitty pat pat.
Not wanting to come off as a stalker, I resisted the urge to follow him around in the aisles - as I dreamt of walking down another aisle.
Now, I've left behind that little girl who felt a lot. I've learnt what love is, I've learnt what loss is. I've learnt how to keep me safe - as safe as one can hope to be. I know that finding love is better than falling face first in it. I've grown up.
Then he put his hand on my shoulder
Pulled me just a tad closer
Pitty pat pat. Pitty pat pat.