When the flood gates opened

She held it in for so many days
She didn’t know she could at the beginning
Then she thought she would forever
But it wasn’t going to stay bottled in
The sobs that were caught in her throat
The tears that had been brutally blinked away
All waited to gush out

An almost friend who wouldn’t fight for her
The father who blamed her for what was obviously not her fault
The patriarchy
The friend who pointed out her flaws
(Maybe he always did, but hey! Terrible timing this)
Work pressure on and off
The fights that people decided to pick just then
The grandma who was disappointed
The weight that just wouldn’t decrease, darn it!
To do lists that didn’t seem to end
The bank balance, and the salary day so far off!

Maybe any of these by themselves
Even many at a time
Might have been battles win-able
But all at the same time
Steely forge ahead, she did
Even win many an argument along the way
Pretended she didn’t care about
What she shouldn’t be caring about
But take a toll on her, it did

So then it happened
She got up to shower
Just started walking from one room to another
Some last piece of hay from somewhere fell
The floodgates were opening, she could tell

She hurriedly closed the door behind her
Out came a tear, then another
A sob escaped to become a wail

What could she do
Apart from just let go.
Played music to drown the sound of weeping
Fall against the wall, and hope it would swallow her whole
Feeling the hot tears flowing out
The bawling hurting her throat
And yet,
To cry like one’s own heart mourning
To cry like a little piece of her was crushed
Lost, and alone
Wishing for a hug
No clue about how long the sniveling would continue
Even a bit clueless about how broken she was
Because she had used all her strength
In keeping it all together
Every little piece
Even as it cracked
And some shattered
She cried because she could hold on no longer
She cried because she’d hoped someone would help her
But they all had their own battles to face
Their own pieces to hold together
Their own sobs to suppress
So she let herself fall apart by herself
Not questioning if she could put it all back together again
Not caring, not right then

She cried so her heart would stop aching
And eyes stop burning

She cried and let it all out

Did everything become alright again?
Probably not
But who cared
Right then, even she didn’t have to
And that was just fine.
She was all cried out.



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