Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Stigmatized

I have been seen as a rebel. Especially where I work currently, as I stand up for or against quite a few things. As the corporate culture ambassador and an Anti Discrimination and Anti Harassment Committee member, I’ve always felt it is my duty. I know that there are some things I haven’t been able to change, but there are those I can at least try to change.

This morning, after an event, I put up the following status message on facebook:
Experienced first hand religious discrimination today, when I pointed out to my friend in the office bus that religious music should not be played, as we are a secular organization. He tells me “India is a Hindu country, ‘you’ people have encroached here”
#Issecularismdead ?
Sad state of affairs in the country.

That friend did not call to apologize or retract what he said. Or to say anything at all.

The post attracted many comments from many who supported my stance – some strongly, and some who asked me to just let it go. None of my colleagues who are on my fb list replied to it, or acknowledged it. Which was fine. That was expected.

However, as the friend in question and I usually have lunch together along with the rest of the friends gang in the main building, I decided to not eat lunch there, and go to the canteen instead. [I am the only girl in that gang]

What saddened me however was that when I called someone else to inform that I will not be coming to lunch with them, I got an “Ok” before he hung up, with no other questions asked. This from the same person who pesters me with “Why aren’t you eating?”s when I eat 90% my normal quantity. It was sad, but I let it go then.

The others from the group also didn’t smile at me when they saw me.

I got back from lunch. An hour and a half later, after no word yet from the second friend, who I consider myself quite close – I decided why should I show my ego here, after all, I had no fight with him. So I call him over the intercom and this is how that went:

Him: Hello
Me: Hello, are you angry at me or something?
Him: Why did you put it up on Facebook?
Me: I felt like it, so I did
Him: But that’s wrong no
Me: Boss, the one did the mistake was him
Him: I was sleeping then (in the office bus), and I didn’t know what happened between you two. You both should talk it out. You shouldn’t have put it on facebook.
Me: Well, he hasn’t tried to talk anything to me so far
Him: But you putting it on facebook was wrong no
Me: Anyway..okay..bye
Him: Okay bye

Now here I am, writing. Wondering
  • -          What about what he said? Was it so insignificant to all of you(office gang), that you think it’s all my fault?! That, I’m making a big deal out of it?
  • -          Did they ever consider me their friend at all? Nobody seems to care enough to even want to talk to me.
  • -          Did the friend in question really think he could say something like that, and I would brush it off?
  • -          To be a person with a social group, is it mandatory to be a social conformist who overlooks many flaws of the group, even those that sometimes personally attack individuals and groups?

There is a quote that goes “The person who wins an ego match is the one who loses”
Maybe some loses are worth the win. Collateral Damage. Or a sieve to find your real friends.
Who knows. Can’t tell.

The battle for Secularism will wage on.


I wonder how this more personal one will turn out though. 

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Being 26 - A year end review!

And we're finally here :)
I'm actually a week late on this post... took a week to process the 52 weeks that were. Or get over it. Whichever!

This might be the shortest yearly review post so far, but it is still a year's worth of events so, here goes!

26 ...twenty six... it sure dragged quite a bit, but was also quite fun. Like how lazy Sunday's are. It was rounded, blunt and comfortable. No major heart aches. No life altering events. Just a few intense ones. 

If 25 was an amazing roller coaster - with a Korean theme, I think 26 was dedicated to all the special men in my life. They totally saved the year from complete mediocrity, so to say!

My dad and I got much closer. We also had many many more yelling matches than ever before. I found out that a lot of who I am today is because of him. That I am a lot more like him, than I would have guessed! It has been a lovely year that way. He even let me drive his car once ;)

2 guys from work who have moved from brother zone, to friend zone, and have become such amazing confidantes and partners in crime, that I totally feel blessed to have found them! We make such a happy team of friends it's a ball all the time. And like one of them keeps pointing out, Even fighting is so much fun with them!

My long distance best friend got whatsapp, and we really got back in touch - and that's one of the bestest thing of last year. He's a real peach! Probably spoiling me for life by being super patient and pampery! He was the best Santa last Christmas, sent me a forest of red roses for Valentines, ensured I had the yummiest and sweetest birthday cake for 27th ... showing me how much he cares. Not just materialistically, but by being there all the time when I need him, and hearing me out! I even get though PMS and first days with him! That's how much of an important role he played in my 26th, and continues to! I only hope I can give back a tenth of what he has done for me.

Can too much love be too harmful? Apparently that's a yes. I got first hand experience of being someone overly cared for. However, that person, brother is also one of the sweetest, kindest more caring human beings I've known. so that relationship has been the most restructured and modified relationships so far. Trying to make it possible, but you can't have it all. We can still try :)

My best friend ... or about time that I accepted that he is now my ex-best friend and I got back in touch, just to find that things can't work out even as friends. We even met, he was within my reach and then gone. You can start hating, more accurately resenting someone because you loved them too much at one point.

My partner finally got out of something sticky, and is moving on. He will be married in less than a month's time, and I hope he is so happily. Fingers crossed! I know he deserves it :)

Those were the highlights about the important men in my life.

There are also other good friends I've made at office. And I generally belong more with the boys group than the girls :P To the extent that they forget that I'm a girl quite often ;) But that's cool as its quite comfortably convenient, and I don't have to be coy or girly - realizing its a liberating feeling that!

Some other very important things that have happened over the last year are:

One of my best friends got married. She found a lovely guy, and they are already happily married! Love to both!

I officially financially support another human being :) It's an empowering feeling!

I have learnt to bake cakes :D Just 2 so far, but, it's a start!

The groom hunt is on. And it really feels like a real hunting season. And I'm not sure if I'm hunting or being hunted. A lot of mixed, complex and complicated feelings there.

We had a lovely family vacation in Malaysia :)

I really organized my cupboards, and got rid of a lot of junk. It may not seem like a big thing, but trust me, it was! It felt like a BIG step into adulthood to have that :) I had ironing clothes as a hobby for almost 2 months!

I got back in touch with a lot of family. That's been nice!

Gadget wise, brilliant year!! Laptop, cell phone, even headphones and the like have had brilliant upgrades B)

Brand wise too. The stable income has made shopping from big brands a really easy thing to do :P No complaints there!

Got a ginormous amount of gifts. And anything else I wanted, I got it myself!

Some unfortunate things:

I have had a falling out with another very very good friend of mine. She is an amazing person, but sometimes, unknowingly, we use one person as a dump for all the negativity in our lives. I unfortunately became that person for her, and I had to get out of that rut. I hope that

I did not go on any vacation alone last year. Since my 19th year, I've been making it a point to get away and have some alone time at least once a year, but that didn't happen.

That falling out with the ex-best friend already mentioned.

Some nice people who had become friends at work moved away, moving apart.

Some other good friends also moved away geographically to be with their spouses or for other reasons.

I don't know which category this belongs in, I resigned. Cancelled resignation. And apart from travel to and from, I have become very comfortable with the job. And uncomfortable about the status quo comfort. So that's been at a weird state. Got to figure that out!


So over all, 26 was a good year. But bad because of how ordinary and uneventful it was. But it was good because it wasn't bad ;) It was too simplistic, with too many routines. I'm looking forward to a more eventful 27 :)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

27 Things To Do When 27

  1. Travel to at least one foreign country
  2. Become fitter
  3. Get a boy friend
  4. Figure out what next in life professionally
  5. Help as many people as possible
  6. Go on a vacation alone
  7. Create a solid savings as a back up plan
  8. Write at least 27 stories
  9. Eat healthier
  10. Be a nicer person
  11. Get eye laser surgery done
  12. Learn swimming
  13. Read more
  14. Learn to drive in the city - comfortably (in the day time ;) )
  15. Get a car!!!
  16. Learn to bake cookies
  17. Learn to make different and complete cakes with icing
  18. Learn to make a 3 course meal
  19. Contribute to the society
  20. Stitch more
  21. Paintings: Acrylic, doodle & pastel
  22. Record the happy memories
  23. Learn to invest - and invest
  24. Learn to use make up
  25. Make time for people
  26. Fight less
  27. Be positive. Brush useless things off. Be happy.


Saturday, May 9, 2015

Birthday Traditions Part 1: The Count Down

The biggest countdown of the year

Christmas? That’s second biggest.

The biggest countdown of my year has always been my birthday countdown of the year.

Yes Christmas is amazing! It’s a time to feel holy and festive, and the whole world feels a little happier, with more general cheer in the air.

But the birthday, it’s all mine! It’s not exactly always a happy countdown, especially as the number increases. A long time ago, it used to be all about excitement! About the birthday, the summer vacations that will surround it, the new clothes, the gifts that will come, the chocolates! Over the years, especially after school, it has changed – some aspects for the very good, some for bad. Some have even disappeared. The vacation for one!

Whatever changed, the counting down has not (yet) changed. It begins ever year after my dad’s birthday, which is on April 9th.

This year, I noticed, that the countdown has been a lot more complex emotionally. With the family desperately trying to marry me off (That’s the only thing on their minds!), with friends already married of, Me at a mental crossroads of where to go next, The big career change question, The mental never ending debates on : Love or Marriage? Someone who loves you or someone you like? Is this too late, just fine or too early?  But the birthday itself eventually wins over what it represents, hence as the day comes closer…. :)

30 Days to go
Yaaay!!

25 Days to go
New Phone :D :D :D Especially luckily available in the exact colour that I wanted!

20 Days  to go
Advance influx of presents! Whoa, can I actually accept all this? So crazy!

15 Days to go
Blaaahh … maybe I’m too old for this. I guess I really have grown out of it man. Sigh. So blah

13 Days to go
Meh. Maybe I’m PMSing?
“I don’t know what I want for Birthday dude o.o”
I’m gonna start my count down anyway, as whatsapp status. It just has to be done I guess.

12 Days to go
Do NOT talk to me about how old I’m getting, or tell me that I’m still not married at my age! Those are facts about my own life, and I’m not stupid – hence am well aware of those things! Sheesh!!

11 Days to go
You know what, I should add something that isn’t food to my list. It looks a bit too …umm… I should add non food wishes to the list definitely *thinks hard*

10 Days to go
Okay, yes I have a list of stuff I want, but I think I’m just gonna go get it for myself.
{I wonder when it’ll start. At least the PMS will stop then. And it won’t mess up my birthday}

9 Days to go
Just gonna do it man. I want to eat at Vasco’s, and I am an independent woman, capable of catering to my wants myself :D *Books birthday lunch for 2 at Hilton*

8 Days to go
Bugie: “What. Do. You. Want?”

7 Days to go
Going in a share auto in Chennai – this should officially be banned for pregnant ladies, as it most definitely will cause miscarriages. People who are not pregnant, and are late, should definitely give this method a try!

*Shop shop shop shop…..shop*
The fluffy white one on my shoulder: Did I really just shop half a months pay check worth in one single day ?!?!?! *Shrieking and wailing inside*
The Horned me on my shoulder: But those gorgeous heavenly hot pink shoes! *Swoons with pleasure*
Fluffy white: What about those other beige shoes then?
The horned one: But ..but… those are classics …!
Can’t believe I spent so much in a day!!!
Dinner and Movie time – Happiness :D

(Post movie)
Me: Dude, let me drive your car :P
V: Okay!
Me: You’re really gonna let me drive your car?
V: In fact, I was gonna suggest it, even before you asked
Me: Weeeeeeeeeeee
[All the excitement of road rash packed into a 6 km drive, on an empty 1:00 am road..later]
Me: O.O I actually did it! We’re still alive :)
V: You were okay!
Me: :D
V: :)
Happiness is having a driving instructor, who is calm even when you come to a sudden screeching halt in the middle of a main road, with a truck right behind. And calmly says, “You’ll be fine. Just start over”

6 Days to go:
Monday – meh.
PMS. Weekends done. Thanks for not coming then. But I’m ready for you. You can start anytime now!
Or could it be post shopping realization low?
How do women juggle work and house work! One day, and I’m 10 feet sown under! Gaaaaaaaahhhhhh

5 Days to go:
Father: Jenna, I don’t think house work or cooking is ever going to be your thing. You’ve got to outsource it.
Official craziness. Approved project is put on hold, and is to be restructured. Well blah, now I’ll just focus on my birthday.
Aerobics at work.
This didn’t get it started. The share auto ride itself didn’t work.

4 Days to go:
My birthday is in 4 days! Weeeeeeeee
It’s happening :P The birthday mood is on!
My body is breaking! Aaaaarrrggghhh. Dayum that aerobics!

3 Days to go:
It’s my birthday. I can get gifts. And I might as well tell you what I want :P
Bugie: Good girl. Now tell me!
Me: Mmm…A watch? A white one …..(Searches online – sheesh they’re expensive! And I don’t even wear watches anyway) A pillow! Yeaaassshh, I want a pillow!
Bugie: That’ll go on the top 3 weirdest gifts I’ve ever got.
Me: What were the other 2?
Bugie: -_-
Me: Since it’s gonna be weird anyway, you can get me a shoe rack instead also {hahaha}
Bugie: How many pairs would they have to house…
Me: About 30 or so…
Bugie: o.o O. Kay.
Me: :P

2 Days to go:
No boss. No Super Boss. Birthday Celebrations at work with cake. Gift card. Birthday gift from office people.
Taken shopping with office friend, I thinkI’ve pretty much covered everything on my list! Except the food stuff :P Aaannnndddd I know what I want for my next birthday :P
Just 2 days to go baby !!! :D


1 Day to go:
Today.
Being taken birthday shopping again in the evening.
The birthday pampering begins :D
Peace. Happiness. Ecstacy!! :P