Friday, January 30, 2015

Not enough

She sat looking into her computer
One movie and 2 chat boxes
Alternating between the two
Her sister
And best friend
And a whole bunch of un-shed tears
Caught up in her throat
She told her friend that she wanted a ditch
A big one
Filled half way with quilts and pillows
So being buried there would be perfect
But what she wanted to do was
Scream
Really scream.
As she cried
Maybe even thrash some glass
The shattering of glass could be something that might calm her down
She'd told herself she was ready
But hadn't realized what she had signed up for
If she had,
She knew for certain that she'd never have waited this long
Not for this
She would have taken care of it,
As she saw fit
But, that ain't true
Back when the age was right,
The time wasn't
Age wasn't that big a deal now
That was a fact
Which she knew
Was aware of.
Almost always
Except when they brought it up
Then she felt old
Ancient
Her best friend tried to joke it away
She smiled
But it wouldn't reach her eye
Because the tears were busy pricking her there
Was this it?
What this what it was going to be?
Damn.
She felt doomed.
There was no where to run.
Nowhere.
How could he
After all those years
Not understand even the basics of what made her
How
It didn't make sense
Nothing did at that point
Except the craziness of it all
Why of all the blessed countries of the world
Did she have to be born in that one,
Where this was a common cultural practice?
She knew she could have done a lot worse
If they were playing that game
That she had it better than many
In most things
Most
Not this
Definitely not
Some days there was hope
And then other days were like this.
Maybe all one needed
Was someone to come over and say
"It'll all be okay sweet heart"
Like they really meant it
And maybe
A hug could help too

Of course
A friend
A sister
And a whole lot of words
Poured out
Those help a little too
Or at least enough
To get one to sleep out of exhaustion
Rather than moroseness

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