Showing posts from January, 2015

Not enough

She sat looking into her computer
One movie and 2 chat boxes
Alternating between the two
Her sister
And best friend
And a whole bunch of un-shed tears
Caught up in her throat
She told her friend that she wanted a ditch
A big one
Filled half way with quilts and pillows
So being buried there would be perfect
But what she wanted to do was
Really scream.
As she cried
Maybe even thrash some glass
The shattering of glass could be something that might calm her down
She'd told herself she was ready
But hadn't realized what she had signed up for
If she had,
She knew for certain that she'd never have waited this long
Not for this
She would have taken care of it,
As she saw fit
But, that ain't true
Back when the age was right,
The time wasn't
Age wasn't that big a deal now
That was a fact
Which she knew
Was aware of.
Almost always
Except when they brought it up
Then she felt old
Her best friend tried to joke it away
She smiled
But it wouldn't reach her …

Amongst those book shelves

She stepped into the book store
It was the same as ever ... toys.. a little bot of furniture ... accessories ...but mainly books.

"I'm inside the mall... I'll wait inside...."
"I know where you would wait. I'm there already "
She smiled as she hung up the phone. It was a good thing that he never made her wait. Very sweet too... made her believed in old fashioned chivalry. Though he never opened doors for her ... well you win some, lose some. 
He decided to head towards the auto-mobile magazine counter from the science book shelves. It commanded a much better view of the entrance. So he could see her when she arrived. It's not that she would have difficulty finding him ..but he liked how she entered. Always a bit distracted, like she's trying to absorb all those colours in at once, while explaining to the security that her backpack was her equivalent of her handbag, and that she should be allowed to take it in... and then she'd spot him, and sudd…



Weird things those. They change so many things.

Yesterday, I heard something.
Logically, I should have...could have rather, felt bad, or sad about it.
I was just pleasantly happy for him.
Not in the defensive self protective, opposite acting out kinda way, but genuinely happy that he found someone for himself. I'd believed that I might feel bad about it. Expected so even. But time, wonderful thing that it is, has made it possible that it didn't matter to me at all.
He is no more an emotion. He is just a memory. A memory of interesting emotions once felt. Not even special enough to fondly remember much.
He is just somebody who once was.
(It is a possibility that we knew we were not right for each other, and hence I never actually registered him that much. Yet, I believed that I had cared enough to care. But no more. Which is a pleasant relief. :) )

Yesterday, my grandma slashed her hand. Early in the morning, as she opened the gate for me to leave for work.
At f…