Friday, November 28, 2014

Primal Insticts: The Protective

Yesterday, a friend of mine...a male friend of mine was forcibly involved in an argumentative settlement/ meeting. He was taken as his department representative, and had to listen to being blamed for the better part of 2 hours, for no fault of his. The blaming apparently was quite strong and derogatory as well.

He came out of the meeting visibly furious. Since we all go back in the same office bus, another friend of ours and I were still waiting for him inside, rather than in the bus.

He stormed to his workstation, and in a moment of uncontrollable rage, flung a huge box file on his desk. Papers were flying and he just stood there seething for a moment. Not usually used to this kind of blatant rage, I stood shocked, and stopped in my tracks quite farther away from him than I would have usually gone.

Normally, I think (since I've never actually been in a similar situation before. (I've occasionally been the one flinging things ;) )) I wouldn't have gone closer...stayed at a safe distance and quietly watched and waited for him to calm down. That feels like the response that I would have expected from me.

Yesterday, I went over, helped him pick up the strewn papers and then walked with him to the bus. We (The other friend and I) even sat together, and made him calm down and laugh. All the while, at least in the beginning, I was wondering why I had this strange urge to hug him and soothe him.

He is a work friend, married and to clarify, I have no romantic feelings towards him. However, he is a really good friend of mine.

I have heard of friends who have been relationships that involved violence, and friends of friends who have been physically abused as well. I have always thought that it was crazy and/ or stupid of them to stay in them. I never understood why any rational/ sane person would willingly even stay in touch with a person who is violent, or worse, uses violence against them. So, my reaction…instinctive urge rather was quite confusing to me. Even if I didn't act upon it, a possible (unreasonable!) explanation, to the till now strange behaviours of those women didn't sit really well with me.

Well however, some things do make sense now. Though I still (somewhat) strongly believe, (and now hope as well!) that I won’t tolerate being in a relationship with violent or abusive men. Of course, there are levels of violence/ abusiveness… so how much of it will get covered under the protective instincts of women, and beyond what level does it go to intolerable/ habit? I wonder…

I know my friend was just acting out of rage, and didn't harm anyone, and calmed down soon after. I'm not making excuses for him. Just that I found an opportunity to partly discover something new about myself and about humans in general. We sure are a strange, complex and interesting species!

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