I am on the way back from the place that was supposed to help me get a little perspective. As I was sitting in the bus, I found just that; perspective.
Some random girl on the bus tv was saying that she didn't know if she liked someone, but he made her happy. Her friend told her that she definitely liked that guy.
So technically, I should be glad that this was over because I hadn't been happy for a while. Our priorities were markedly different and it was affecting us quite a lot. It wasn't values, just one principle. One that mattered to me a lot, the direct opposite of which felt right to him. It had to do with how time was used.
So, there I sat in the bus, miles away, and almost feeling like I was ready to face life again, even with him lurking in the corners.
I was quite happy with how my mind had sorted things out, I even felt a bit lighter!
Then the bus takes a small detour from the straight route and passes by bang through the front of his house. When do I realize that? Three seconds earlier, just in time for me to look out the window wondering, and see the entrance of his apartment.
Everything..... The distance, perspective that was found with difficulty, all went out that window. My throat constricted, and everything of that moment felt wrong. So wrong.
Life is complicated. By humans. By our need for social structure.
As someone who loves watching the novelties of different cultures, I shouldn't be complaining. But I wished for hose few minutes that things didn't have to be this way.
I'll go back to acceptance I know. I can get there faster than most. I don't like things that happen without a reason, more because I know it's very much a rational fact. For that, I hated this moment.
Tomorrow is yet another day.
For today, till here will do.
Stay still my beating heart.
I've got you.