Sunday, July 7, 2013

Mind and Body

It's almost been a week. Less than a week since the official break up, but a week since we last spoke normally. I told most people that I'm perfectly fine. I scared myself by how creepily normal I was reacting to everyday situations..... Laughing even, when he was around.

I did cry a couple of times. Once when we were having the actual conversation and once in the bus when I left office last Thursday.... The last day I'd given myself before getting back all over him. Tomorrow

I am fine. I did all the break up routines. Run away to a different city, shop, over sleep, get drunk, read mindless m and b s.
I did have mood swings, sad when random things that were remotely connected to him came to my notice.... But this was a minute part of my get away weekend.
Maybe that was the point?
To get my mind away?

I wish I had just cried though Bawled till my eyes were red and tiny Andy throat was all dry Or that I had yelled at me as he informed this to me that night as it takes rained. Or beat him up like he had suggested. I wish I could just go somewhere and scream.

My mind seems to think it has handled it all. My body on the other hand...

If any one of the above had happened, maybe I would be able to digest again. My stomach has been feeling like a hollow cave for a week.... I don't feel like eating, or like I've eaten. Oh, I do feel hungry. The hollow feels a little hollower and I realize I should have normally eaten hours ago. Food holds no allure to me. I used to be a foodie. The thought of sugar makes my stomach churn. Should I be mildly happy that my stomach reacts to something? Even chocolate has lost its strength.... Crazy amounts of exercise hasn't helped.

When will I digest fully again? Should I just be glad that I might lose weight in the process? Hoping I don't lose my mind over it.
Or maybe that is the solution.
Who knows.
My head certainly doesn't.

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