Early morning first thoughts
It's a beautiful morning... It rained most of last night, and the earth is pleasantly coated with dew and mist.
And my head is gently layered with confusions and questions. Why so early in the morning?
To that I know the answer. I started writing it out yesterday. The story as it were, so I can get over it as soon as possible... Apparently I don't have much time till I get my full act together. 15 days to be precise.
This morning I'm saddened more by everything that went wrong, rather than by what it all could have been. This is sadder because now I have to accept that it's over, or would have been anyhow.
Technically.... As a story writer, one couldn't have set the scenario much better than what it is right now. God's one smart cookie, He is.
Imagine this; I wanted a boyfriend, and he practically threw one at me. I didn't have to lift a finger. He was sweet, and the nicest and most patient guy a girl could ask for.
He loved me, I knew it and felt it. I loved him too... But I wasn't in love with him.
We were far from right for each other. Our priorities and outlooks on how we dealt with life were poles apart. We tried so hard to make each other understand, and a little to understand the other person.
But, the interracial differences and the language issues made it so much more difficult. Yet the reason we broke up had nothing to do with our differences, and was something entirely.... Almost entirely out of my control. Yes, out of my control, because I do blame him for not having any control in that situation.
It happened too fast, even before I knew for certain if we could have ever ironed out our differences.
We broke up, and that's were the brilliant scene setting begins.
I was supposed to go someplace abroad officially. I run off to a friends place for the weekend so I can take some time out to lick my wounds. I get back to find that he has gone to that same place abroad for a month, and that someone else is going in my stead. Ergo, him and I don't have to be in the same country, this one or another, for a while. And him not being here means he'll be missing the 2 day exhibition we were to attend together.
Now I just have to go through all the million stages of dealing with this, so by the time he's back, I can acknowledge him like a cold stranger. Like he already does to me, over text. I didn't know "we can be friends" can ever sound so cold.
Something about rains and nights make me more emotional than I need to be.
All this rambling, because this morning, it struck me anew that it's never going to happen. Ever.
Like many other things, I don't know.
Will I be okay when I see him again?
This one, I so so wish I knew.
Have a good one y'all.