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Showing posts from July, 2013

Something to look forward to

My mid year review
It's almost the end of July, and I'm about to post my mid year review that is technically a month late. As resolutions, I had three things which I strongly and quite vehemently wished for in the beginning of this year.
Maybe it was the fact that I treated them as wished, rather than resolutions or goals that I should work towards, that brought me to where I am now. As a quick recap, the three things I wanted were ;
Get a job
Get a boy friend and
Get published I now think I should have been a bit more specific. I got a job. It all but fell onto my lap. It was luck, all that I wanted with elements of a lot of things I hate - like long travel time, and not much freedom in the job. But it's a profile I love, and a culture I'm interested in, so working quite well. My job, me and our love hate relationship are chugging along for the moment. Get published.... I'm going to be. A short story of mine, not my novel yet. I won a competition, hence I get to …

Empty Spaces

I just realized that some times, in the cases of some people in our lives; just knowing that they are there is enough.
Today, I found out that somebody like that, from a long time ago isn't there any more. Not on my friend list. I don't know when the unfriend-ing happened... and more scarily, why.
A part of me is telling me to continue to live in blissful ignorance
While another part is screaming out one of the obvious possibilities.

Empty spaces.... They don't seem to be getting filled
I just seem to collect those as a hobby.

Wondering and wondering and wondering and wondering.....
You know what.

-
You know who.

Early morning first thoughts

It's a beautiful morning... It rained most of last night, and the earth is pleasantly coated with dew and mist.
And my head is gently layered with confusions and questions. Why so early in the morning?
To that I know the answer. I started writing it out yesterday. The story as it were, so I can get over it as soon as possible... Apparently I don't have much time till I get my full act together. 15 days to be precise.
This morning I'm saddened more by everything that went wrong, rather than by what it all could have been. This is sadder because now I have to accept that it's over, or would have been anyhow. Technically.... As a story writer, one couldn't have set the scenario much better than what it is right now. God's one smart cookie, He is. Imagine this; I wanted a boyfriend, and he practically threw one at me. I didn't have to lift a finger. He was sweet, and the nicest and most patient guy a girl could ask for.
He loved me, I knew it and felt it. I…

Smile in the rain

She woke up bright and early. It hadn't even dawned yet. Her alarm hadn't rung either. She just woke up because she was well rested. That was definitely .... Not something that had happened in quite a while.
She smiled contentedly.
Walking out to the veranda, she realized it had rained through the night and the rain cloud's were still at it. Softly.
There was a gentle drizzle, that combined with a soft cool breeze that brought to her the glorious whiff of the smell of rain soaked soil. Combined with the amazing colours of the slow brightening of the morning sky, it felt perfect.
Almost perfect. This was the perfect time to get hugged. The thought almost popped into her head involuntarily. A rueful smile played along her lips. A quick memory of a certain walk on a rainy dusk flashed by, back when she had gotten a tight hug when she wanted it. She hugged herself close and tight. The memory was tucked away before it can uld bring with it any pain. That would spoil this pe…

Up close

I am on the way back from the place that was supposed to help me get a little perspective. As I was sitting in the bus, I found just that; perspective.
Some random girl on the bus tv was saying that she didn't know if she liked someone, but he made her happy. Her friend told her that she definitely liked that guy.
So technically, I should be glad that this was over because I hadn't been happy for a while. Our priorities were markedly different and it was affecting us quite a lot. It wasn't values, just one principle. One that mattered to me a lot, the direct opposite of which felt right to him. It had to do with how time was used.
Anyway.
So, there I sat in the bus, miles away, and almost feeling like I was ready to face life again, even with him lurking in the corners.
I was quite happy with how my mind had sorted things out, I even felt a bit lighter!
Then the bus takes a small detour from the straight route and passes by bang through the front of his house. When d…

Mind and Body

It's almost been a week. Less than a week since the official break up, but a week since we last spoke normally. I told most people that I'm perfectly fine. I scared myself by how creepily normal I was reacting to everyday situations..... Laughing even, when he was around.I did cry a couple of times. Once when we were having the actual conversation and once in the bus when I left office last Thursday.... The last day I'd given myself before getting back all over him. TomorrowI am fine. I did all the break up routines. Run away to a different city, shop, over sleep, get drunk, read mindless m and b s.
I did have mood swings, sad when random things that were remotely connected to him came to my notice.... But this was a minute part of my get away weekend.
Maybe that was the point?
To get my mind away?I wish I had just cried though Bawled till my eyes were red and tiny Andy throat was all dry Or that I had yelled at me as he informed this to me that night as it takes rained…

Broken Memories

All my bags.... or my bag is packed, and I'm ready to leave. Almost.
For someone who used to take pride of the fast that she was a fast packer, and a thorough one at that - I felt  sloppy today. Like I've suddenly lost my touch.
I've travelled quite a bit in the past one year, and have a million miles yet left to cover.
Was it just the packing?

How can almost two months, that felt so heavy with moments and memories be suppressed so easily?
Is the possibility of that rational?
Sane?

Just defence?

Don't know.

Will let you know if the concrete with which it has been covered, moulded and sealed away ever cracks... and if anything leaks through.
And when it does, I want these dates to be sealed away with it.

3rd May....9th....12th....17th.....26th.....June 11th...12th...
June 29th...
July 1st...3rd....4th

62 days.

Felt like 62 weeks

Feels like 62 seconds