Friday, May 17, 2013

He stood waiting

It's too early
She said
A shaky smile, unsure
Along the corner of her lips
Her eyes looked
Hiding many a secret

He knew
Maybe not a lot,
But he was willing to find out
Was willing to wait

I need to get something
She faltered
For excuses random
Things he couldn't fathom

But he was willing to try
To find the reason why

Her doubts were not baseless
Yet, they made her feel mindless

Her hand in his
He looked into her eyes
For a little bit of trust
If not for answers

She held tighter
For just a tad longer
Before loosening her grip

"I understand if you want to go..."
She said with the strongest voice she could muster
It was still shaky
Understand, she would
Accept... she probably,,,
Eventually would

She searched his eyes
For one last time
Before having to turn away
She knew that things like hope
Had to be crushed
Yet, she did

He stood staring at her
At her conflicts
His grip on her fingers tightened this time
"I have nowhere else I need to be"
He said simply
Before letting go

"I'll be here"
So saying, he stood
He stood waiting

Being Loved

A million years ago, this was one of the most obvious things to me. To be.
Love was something I fought for, something I had in abundance of, something I deserved.
Now here I am... 60 years in 25 later. Doubting it.
It doesn't seem tangible any more.
Why... How.... What will I do about it, these questions are just the beginning

Why did it get to this?
When did love become a commodity that felt so rare, that finding it came with doubts about its authenticity

I now realize that I have long doubted its existence in its purest form... in most forms. Anything that did not come from the thickest of blood. It felt right that way. That was the only way possible. It felt safe.

I still feel safe. Very safe.
Will I cross this final bridge?
One step at a time....
Please don't let go.