Friday, January 25, 2013

One Little Finger

This post is not about my little finger.
It is about my pointy finger.
(It is still little, when compared to me on the whole, so you see...)
Yesterday, I was doing something silly, and hurt my pointy finger. The one on my right hand. And right at the second joint, so I can't even bend it. It's pretty much a useless thing at the moment.

What I realized over the past day with my hurt pointy finger is ... are 3 different things.
1. How much I miss it
2. How easily it is replaceable
3. When it is not being useful, it is just getting in the way, hurting and making things uncomfortable.

I wanted to keep this only my little pointy finger ... but I have to pull out the metaphor.
A friend of mine recently had to stop being friends with another good friend of hers. Though she has unfortunately been unable to cover point 2, it's still the same feeling.
When something important to us, goes to a point where we can no longer treat it the same way, everything changes. It is difficult to work around it, but we eventually get used to it. To the point that we may even eventually wonder how it even felt to have it around in the first place.

It's been more than 5 whole years since my mom was around. I don't even think about her all the time any more. Last Christmas, when we went to our home town, we even forgot to visit her. We realized on the last day when it was too late. I felt a pang, but it wasn't that deep or strong.
I still do miss her. I still always wonder 'what if'. But I've learnt to live without her. I never thought I would, but here I am. I am probably refuting many of my own statements/ claims from yesteryear. Yet, it happened.  My mum would have wanted me to keep going on. Have other big problems, react to them normally. Feel. I do all that now. I still have to figure out who I want to be, and keep a promise. But I guess it is time for me to do it on my own this time. No excuses. :)

I just have a tiny teensy scrape on my finger. It'll be fine in a week max. I will even forget this time, when I have to remember to keep my pointy finger straight and away from things that'll hurt it more. My middle finger will then stop handling the issues it has now taken over, and go back to being the second/ third in the importance hierarchy.

I won't have to miss it, it will be useful. It won't be getting in the way and I will once again believe that it is irreplaceable :)
Maybe, if this leaves a scar, I shall notice it on some random moment and laugh to myself about what I thought now.

The point of this post?
Just my little pointy finger ;)


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