Sunday, July 15, 2012

Fickle Pickle

I had a dream last night. One of those vivid dreams that you can remember even intricate details such as scents from.

In my dream,
I was engaged to be married in a couple of days. When the dream started, I didn't know who it was. I hadn't met the man. It was completely an arranged by family affair. 
So it started with me finding out, and setting out to see him for the first time. We met at some sort of a huge ground, it was night time, but there was some event going on there. Our conversation was like how two strangers would talk, when they suddenly find out that they are to be wed to each other in a couple of days. We politely tried to get to know each other.
It felt like a long walk, from the ...car park (?) to the area where people were seated. When we were almost there, he said he had a gift for me. At that point, I knew I was wearing my pink watch, and he pulled out that exact same watch from his backpack. He noticed that I already had the same one, and was quite disappointed. [As dream logic tends to get a bit hazy at times, I'm not exactly sure what happened immediately] There was a similar indigo watch, but he couldn't keep the pink. [I'm not sure if we parted amicably or not]


The next day was the day of the wedding. I was getting ready. When I was half way made up, I decided to give him a call. I think there was about ten minutes to go for the wedding. He picked up, and our conversation went something like: (me starting off with)
"hello"
"hello"
"Um..so...."
"You felt it too right? The not feeling it part ..."
"Uh huh. So this is it then?"
"I knew you'd understand"
"Yeah... okay bye"
"Bye"
I knew then that the wedding had to be called off, and informed my dad. My dad helped me..us(?) out by informing the guests. The guests were seated in a circular altar of sorts. When I was reasonably sure that most of them had left, I went to look. I saw everyone leave, the place where I was supposed to be married at, and I didn't feel even the slightest bit of regret or remorse.
After a certain amount of time had passed, we were talking on the phone again. Then, I asked him why? What was his reason. And among obvious things such as 'we hardly know each other' he also mentioned that he did not have enough patience to handle me, matter of factly. 


Towards the end of the dream, I met him somewhere else, at a common friend's place, and I remember feeling .. a comfort level. A connection that was more because we shared an experience at some point than love. And I felt sorry that that was gone.


My dream ended thus, and morning came.

I am watching a drama right now. I had finished 2 out of 16 episodes, and I declared to my friend that I loved beagle (A name we had given a character). To his credit, that guy was intense, and one of the most unique character portrayals I had seen in a while.
At the end of episode 2, he meets with an accident. Since my friend is watching the same drama too, I bugged her to tell me if or not he dies, as I wasn't able to get back to the drama till late evening. She finally gave in and told me that he did. He dies. I was devastated. I loved that character, and couldn't understand why someone would create such an awesomely unique character, and kill him off in 2 episodes! I was sad to the extent that I was sure I would not like the drama hence forth, and even toyed with the idea of discontinuing it.
My friend assured me that it gets better again, even without him. I took her word for it, and now I'm well into the drama, and busy rooting for another guy to get Beagle's muse! How fickle of me right?!

Do we all move on so quickly, and adjust to life without what isn't so fast? or is my specially developed talent?!
I am slightly worried.

I recently met a guy, who was in love with a girl 5 years ago, and still likes her. He's not waiting for her, or pining after her. He has accepted the fact that she doesn't love him. But he still cares for her, and he hasn't gotten into any relationship in the past 5 years, because of her.
Me? 3 months is the longest I've felt for a person, or felt sad or anything related ..after a break up. Or end of a one side crush.

That said, when it comes to relationship, I react in extremes. When I like someone, I get over committed, if there is such a thing! And scare the guy away. Then happily get over him in no time. And I haven't been able to find the middle ground yet.Which I'll not know for sure, till I try, I know.
The guys who have liked me are the ones I've been cold to. I'm that way with most people, till they find out (because or not because of me) that I like them. I seem to be going with this relationship push and pull like a tug of war game, either pull with all I've got, or let go and walk away.

All that aside, why is it so easy to move on with life without someone who was once integral in helping you live it? And why on earth am I so exceptionally good at it ?!? Is it just me?

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