Out of Focus - Missed Memories

Do you know that feeling that you are staring at one thing so hard, that everything else around it becomes a blur? And at the end, you don't even register what you were staring at, because it was just an object that you last saw, before tuning out completely.
I'm like that.
I hate to admit it, but at the moment, FB is my only connect to the outside world. The world which was once mine. Yup, I've become that person.
The person who is way too comfortable being all by herself, with limited human contact.
I suddenly see pictures of moments I missed. Memories I must have made for myself. Not just look into the pictures with others in it. Weddings I missed, birthdays I missed.
Its like sitting in a bus stop, staring at a faraway twig - blanked out. And suddenly, you refocus, just to see the bus you had been waiting hours for, leaving... too far to run to it. The bus probably honked when he was at the stop. But I was too out of focus to notice.
I find myself shaking my head desperately, trying to become .... me again. But the blank buzz is a comfortable place to be. Even my most impulsive actions - like just taking off at 2 PM yesterday afternoon, and booking tickets for a trip by myself, seems normal and acceptable. Its like living in a parallel universe where I just do what I want. Within some imaginary boundary, but I don't know where it is. Just that, outside it is where I am a social person again.
Life's funny. You cut off the social contact, restricting it to a bare bone minimum, and everything changes. Its like the form of existence changes.
I wish I had gone to her wedding. I wish I had gone to his wedding. I wish I had called her on her birthday.
For tuning out like this, on their special days, I have no excuses. None at all. It'll probably hit me hard when I get back into social life and meet them.

For now; Hey ! Doesn't that twig have a really unusual shape ?!

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