Those Fluttering Curtains


She looked on ahead
Her eyes focussed on something far away
Farther than where vision extended to
Her expressions made quite a palate
Sadness, fear, doubt, insecurity…
Or may be none of those
As her lips where slightly upturned
Forced?
I couldn’t tell
Hope?
Just a small sliver…
Noticed in the way she desperately clung
Clung to the edges of the curtains, as she looked on
As though they were keeping her locked in
Or keeping her from falling
Maybe a bit of both
It’s scary how one can sometimes easily kill someone they love
Scarier still when you don’t know if you love anyone at all
Being caught between nothing, something and
A possibility of everything
Looking at her long enough,
One could see a bit of resentment
At herself
For what she’d let others treat her as
Regret
Because she always realized it only after the resentment set in
Exhaustion
That was what was most apparent
I smiled to myself at that one
She’s so young
Life hardly begun
And she’s already exhausted
By what I wondered
Can too many little things make one so tired of life itself?
To the point that you only analyse and question everything
Or was it the other way around ?
Did all the analysing and questioning exhaust her
It would certainly exhaust me
And keep me locked up in my analysis
Did she trust the outside world enough to just walk out?
Without questioning every… every single thing
Or rationalizing
Or looking for a rationale
Or trying to explain it herself
Thereby restricting herself within her explanations
Most likely
But it has been so long, I wonder if she remembers how to
I can see she wants to
I can see it in the way she grips those curtains
And stares so hard
Its almost as if she’s desperately wishing
That something or someone will get her out of there
So she can leave
And not feel so… scared?
No..it wasn’t fear by itself
It was the fear of something…
Loneliness?
She’s always said its better to be alone
Than to be lonely in a crowd
Or worse,
Lonely and lost in unknown territories
Her eyes
She furiously,
Mercilessly almost,
Blinked away the tears that had come out of nowhere
As she saw 2 hands held
Looked away to see someone talking about their March vacation plans
She looked back in
At the book that lay open at the table
It had been at the same page for so long
She smiled
She was tired of just watching
She walked over to the door
Noticed that the sun was setting
Twilight
She made plans to go out the next day
And shut the door
Bolting it from the inside
For now,
She softly said to herself

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