One cuppa cold chocolate

Do you know those days when everything falls exactly into place?

When I found the blog template that finally appeals to me again.
When I wake up with a smile on my face
When the biggest concern is "To shop or not to shop"

When the cold chocolate is just chocolatey enough

Today is one of those days.

Its been exactly 3 weeks since the new year begun, and I've already gone through bumps and cruises in both my career and life at home. Everything I want to come here I and cry or jump with happiness, it just didnt happen.

But now, here I am again, with my cold chocolate a hands reach away.

I was watching the movie Super 8 yesterday, Spielberg hasn't done that great a job. But there was this one dialogue that got me thinking. Joe says, when she was there (his mom) "She used to look at me... like really look...like I existed"
Thats exactly the feeling I've been trying to explain for the past few years. Be it the bubble or the forest. The feeling that no one, after her seem to be able to really see me for who I am. So much so, that even when I look in the mirror I only see bits and pieces. Moms are amazing that way. The few days,.. weeks, I don't know how to say it - some dreams feel so real, I can't stop thinking about them, some bits of real life feel so hazy and unreal, I feel like I'm gliding right past them.
Big things, like missing a good friend's wedding, or the fact that another really good friend is going to be leaving my city soon is not sinking in. Just refusing to bother me, or create the impact it has to. Even my cousin's little newborn daughter, I still haven't called her, and its been 5 days! Small things like a paper askew, something on my workstation that doesn't belong to me, a calendar that someone flicked, my quilt are bothering me way more than they ought to.
Displacement?
In all probability.
Having a long cold war with my dad and sis after quite a while.
I don't know why it started, but I know exactly why it made me so mad and miserable, same reason why I won't be the first one to give in.

What I feel now...where I am is not like before. Now I'm aware. Awake.

2012
I'm finally able to distinguish between things I started disliking because of the trigger. And things I just dislike.

I no more have that major taboo against being missed or missing people. I'm not that girl who wanted to die, and not have anyone cry for her any more.

I still, really don't like it when people ..or a person keeps holding my hands or touching my hand or shoulder, however friendly the intention maybe. I'm a neat freak, and I think bacteria.
I am to a large extent a control freak, but only when the situation is ambiguous. If it is well defined, I do not try to control everything. In fact I don't even interfere, if the other person is confident of being able to do it.

I, surprisingly, like new things.
This one is new. Habit acquired over breaking another. I remember a point when I used to always want to sit at the same seat in that same restaurant, and order variants of the same type of food. Not anymore. I like trying new things. I love surprises. I'm okay when they back fire. I don't use that same plate all the time anymore. Or my same pillow. That basically means I'm over being in my comfort space. To the extent that a friend of mine laughs at me jumping at every new nice thing I see / feel or witness.

I still love photography.
I know it started of as a desperate need to cling on to memories. But now its more about angles, colours and of course lasting happy memories.

I don't mind being lead. In fact, I like it when some one's holding my hand and guiding me along.
There was a point, back in my full control days when I even hated riding pillion. Now, I have no problems with people telling me what to do, exactly how to do it, till the extent I don't even have to use my brain for something :P It's strangely fun. But of course I like using my brain, and do use it occasionally.

I LOVE food. Period.
Apart from boney fish and squishy sea food, I am game for anything.
As far as I am concerned, there really is no greater love than the love of food! The flavours, the aromas... and of course, I love chocolate. One snickers/ ferroroscher / fried ice cream, I'm in heaven. Ask Mish, she knows :P

I love travelling.
Be it just a long drive that leads to no where, or backpacking on my own. New people, new cultures, new terrains, I'm happy as a lark.

I still haven't found a place/ a group of friends or someone I feel like I completely belong to.
Pretty nomadic, happy child I am. I know I'm occasionally lonely, and feel left out. But... I have friends who like some parts of my quirks, and I'm chugging along. So it's not anything sad just yet!

I have a quick temper.
Something I thought I had killed over the past few years. But no. Luckily though (or unlucky for a very few), I show it only when I know I completely can.

I can be diplomatic.
Never thought I'd accomplish that one !

I am not confused anymore.
Not about my career. Not about my future. Not about my relationships. I understand them, and know when to stop analyzing something.

I'm still impulsive.

I still say whatever I feel, right then and there.
I've told myself not to, but then, if I don't, the people in my life won't know where they stand/ stood or will stand. So I guess I'll just keep doing it. May be stop myself occasionally, when I know its now needed at all. But all other times, I will. Decided.

I love the rain, starry nights, the ocean and Korean dramas (There, I've said it) and singing out loud (in or out of tune)!!

Finally, most importantly I am happy, and I am simple.
I've considered this long and hard, far and wide. There really is no way I can be a sad person. Its no fun. People have told me that they feel happy when they are around me, so there's no way I can be anything but a happy person. Of course there is the occasional tear, but who doesn't feel that. I am in general a happy person.
And I'm pretty simple and straightforward about who I am and what I like. How much simpler can a girl get? ;)

I know this was a long detailed post about me.
This is more the base person I am. After the bubble period, lost period, soul searching, self definition searing - I found who I am.
I probably never would have ever done any of this if it weren't for the Psychology I did, and am doing, and the MBA which made me question everything about me. But the storm is over now :)
And my cold chocolate is still cold.
So off I go !

Cheers *.*

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