Jane Austen

This morning, as I was sitting and making something, the climax "Emma" the movie was playing in my head. The Gwenyth Paltrow one. And I was thinking what a big pity it was that the last scene was just him proposing, and them discussing staying arrangements.
Jane Austen's novels had many admirable qualities, one thing that I really loved was the last chapters. She almost never just ended with; she said yes or they kissed and they lived happily ever after.
There was more. Be it Elizabeth's spirits, Darcy's admirable calm with Lady Lucas, Emma not calling Mr. Knightly - George, and offering to call him Mr. K, and finally settling for "My Mr. Knightly" or Brandon's generosity.
It was something of a smooth landing. Not just 'the flight landed' but 'The flight landed, and the passengers reached their destinations safely'.
Her books gave me the warm feel good factor.

Remember my friend who left the country? He gives me the warm feel good factor.
I maybe an optimist with regards to something, I maybe a pessimist about others.
When it comes to people though, I'm a hard core pessimist. I've tried, and failed at being anything but. I'm always expecting them to leave me and go. I'm prepared for it. So they eventually do it. Or not. But I expect them to leave, meaning I don't trust them to stay.
When someone tells me that I'm bugging them, I stay away, completely away.
I prefer leaving first. Good byes are messy, and I'm bad at it, especially when waving to someone who is leaving. I don't like them. Because I invariably expect to never see most of them again. I don't like letting go. Just too many things I don't like about them.
When college ended, I was the first to leave. I was over and out within 3 hours, when many stayed up to 3 days after.
So when he left the country, and didn't bother trying to meet me to say bye before he left, I quickly went through the 5 stages of Grief... of letting go

  1. Denial: I just hoped he wouldn't go
  2. Anger: God knows he felt a lot of that
  3. Bargaining: I did it differently, I tried to quickly find a replacement friend - but that's no so easy :) (Now I know)
  4. Depression: Y'all know all about this one
  5. And finally: Acceptance: I'm telling you, I've mastered these 5 stages. They should crown me queen of Letting Go!
So I left my city before he left the country, though I was not keeping well then. In my head, I'd left first. And I considered that the book of our friendship was over. I was ready for the epilogue, which would later happen when he came back and invited me to his wedding or something. I'd all but written "The End" after the rough draft of even the epilogue.

So there I was at my friend's place, doing what I do best in times like this: Keeping myself busy. And he called. There was a grin plastered on my face.
Of course I'm a girl, and when I say I'm fine with him leaving my life forever - I don't mean it. He calls regularly, and apart from the fact that I know he's not 10 kms away, its almost the same. Only we talk about Netherlands instead of random everyday thing. That topic of a new country and all its nuances is still hot. And since there's so much more to talk about, or hear about, we talk more frequently too! 

The pessimist that I am still waits for the day he no more needs an old friend to talk about new things to, the day when he makes awesome new friends right there, that he won't need me anymore.

For now though, I'm glad I didn't have to bang that book shut.
I'm glad that the story isn't over so abruptly.

I'm glad that the passengers are reaching their destinations safely.

The book has a much better feel when we know for sure that Elizabeth's spirits rose again right? I for one am happy she didn't become broody and boring for good and bounced back to playfulness ;)

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