Twilight

Twilight ...can be the most beautiful or the most discomforting part of the day.
In a typical story book twilight, I would mentally find myself sitting at the porch stairs, watch the sky turn from orange, pink...lilac,blue to finally indigo. As the thoughts run through my head. Reviewing all that happened, all that could have happened differently, all that shouldn't have happened, and all that should have happened.
A happy day is one where everything goes according to plan, or even better, there were no plans, and everything turned out well anyway.
My day yesterday was like that, till 5.30 pm.
Things I expected were happening beautifully, with a pleasant sprinkling of pleasant surprises. Meeting people. And so on ...

Then it turned into a not so great day when people, many people, started doing the one of things I really can't stand. You see, I have very very very few expectations from anyone. It works best in any one's favour. I don't like hopes. I don't like expectations squished like bugs basically. So is it too much to ask to not get me to expect anything? It's really simple. Too simple. For heaven's sake, So why go around saying "Of course I'm going to do it anyway!" and then squish the damn bug.
In the way (another thing) that I can't stand. Keep me waiting, don't update me. And then later go like 'Oh, sorry, I couldn't make it. I know you'll understand'.
You want to know what I understand? I understand that you take me for a push over.
And do you know what you don't understand? I might just be a push over, I might just hold on to you anyways, because I know you matter to me. But you forget that I'm Taurean. We have a lot of patience. Till a certain limit. And for some of you, you might never realize it, but that limit was crossed yesterday
That's part of growing up isn't it? Knowing where to draw the line.

I heard somewhere that boundaries you draw don't exactly keep people out, but rather. box you in. That is true.
It's also true that some lines are not circles around yourself, but just a line you draw between yourself and somebody, to keep yourself safe. When you don't feel so secure with them anymore.

I learnt that the definition of a friend is someone who accepts all your quirks and craziness, and likes them and you because of what you are. I learnt that people who have problems with your choices, which never actually affect them can never truly be your friends. I friend is someone who not just accepts your choices, but understands why you made them. Even if the reason is "For the fun of it" - there's a lot of understanding needed there.
Sometimes, though it might seem that defining it means finally deciding on your stance with a few people, and its not the easiest, you got to do it any way. Because, deep down, or not so deep down, you always knew it, and you were just deluding yourself anyway.

I learnt that some people are worth waiting for, because they would turn up in the end. And for some, its not worth it, because you'll just get an excuse in the end. If you're lucky enough. I also learnt to differentiate between the excuses which are worth believing, and those that are not.

Calling back - as d'uh a concept as it may seem, has a lot of meaning attached to it.

These are not things that I suddenly realized one day. These are things I've learnt over 23 years. These are things I am finally old enough to accept - take a stance on.

The day continued on well, I got many of the things I wanted. Somethings I didn't know I wanted.
And when I got up from those porch stairs and walked back into my home, I had a smile on my face.
Yesterday was my 23rd Birthday.

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