Just another day

Today was just another day.
I woke up, found I had more time to sleep... went back to sleep. Got up, ate breakfast, watched my sister getting ready for day, I got ready and dressed for work, packed my bag, cricked my neck, and got to office.
I worked, ate cake, did all the normal things....picked a fight with my friend, everything normal. So very normal.
I was happy. Not exhilarated, but I was happy enough.
Just any other day.
Until I found out.
I don't know how it would feel like, if I were walking along, on a street, quite merrily, waving to everyone on the sides, and suddenly fall right into a manhole. A hole that seems to stretch on forever like a black hole, and is so very dark inside. I imagine, it would feel like how I'm feeling now.
I didn't know what to say... still don't. So I stupidly said "Congrats".
The me inside is still in shock, lost, and desperately wishing she knew how long this gaping hole would stare at me.
On the outside, I smiled and did the work I have to do, and said all the right things a friend should be saying.
I tried cursing life, saying it sucks, but even that felt so empty. Life has sucked before. This wasn't it.
Having to feel happy for someone, for something you're cursing life for - Not a nice feeling.
I know I hate it, and if I were allowed to, and if I were with someone I knew would understand, I would have loved to crying right now... cursing life more for her cruelty and how unfair it is. But there isn't anyone I can cry to. No one will hold me and let me cry. And wail. And weep.
So, I'll try not to think about it as it eats my brain away.
And I'll pretend, to everyone who can see my face, that today, was just another day ...


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