Down and under

I don't know which wrong turn I took, or if they were many wrong turns, but I'm at the wrong place right now.
Every way that I think about it, I don't regret any of the turns I took, till the last one... the turn I made a few steps ago. I knew it was the wrong turn... It was a downward slope, is a downward slope... I stepped here with my eyes wide open. I knew I could take a detour... but, what I'm noticing, now that I am on the slope is that it's slippery, and I might, in all likelihood, miss the detours. The next assured detour is 2 yrs away, and the ones before that, I'm very scared I'll miss.
This road, is ridiculously alien to me. I have no idea what I'm doing here. stumbling away. Counting down that 2 done, 50 to go....
My best friend, who at one point used to know exactly when I was down, and what to say to make feel better, surprisingly woke up, but spoke only about getting back to sleep. Those days are long gone I guess...
I don't like talking about work.
Everyone seems to like where they are in life. I hate it. All I have is hope, that I am heading towards what I want to be. Taking the worst possible route to get there.... oh well.
Someone at work asked me today "What are you doing here then!?" I smiled, stuttered, and said "Learning"
If I had a giant life eraser, I would erase those years of MBA I did, purely so I could force myself out of my comfort zone, where I was going numb. I can see how it would have been, those 2 yrs.... if I had just stayed on... but, I see it from here. From there, I guess it wouldn't have gone as I see it now. But, I've paid my price for the ride. Still paying. Hope those debts get cleared fast. Hope I can be on level ground again...

Hope is a funny thing .... there are a gazillion things on this planet, and a million gazillions more around it... yet, we humans rely on the one things that is not there. Hope. A vision for the future, because the present needs modification. A figment of our imagination keeps us going better than anything else.

Imagination of the future, for the future... but right now, I'm looking back.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Desperation

Birthday Series: 9 to go : Lighting the lamp, blowing the candle!

A hand in hers