Friday, March 18, 2011

Down and under

I don't know which wrong turn I took, or if they were many wrong turns, but I'm at the wrong place right now.
Every way that I think about it, I don't regret any of the turns I took, till the last one... the turn I made a few steps ago. I knew it was the wrong turn... It was a downward slope, is a downward slope... I stepped here with my eyes wide open. I knew I could take a detour... but, what I'm noticing, now that I am on the slope is that it's slippery, and I might, in all likelihood, miss the detours. The next assured detour is 2 yrs away, and the ones before that, I'm very scared I'll miss.
This road, is ridiculously alien to me. I have no idea what I'm doing here. stumbling away. Counting down that 2 done, 50 to go....
My best friend, who at one point used to know exactly when I was down, and what to say to make feel better, surprisingly woke up, but spoke only about getting back to sleep. Those days are long gone I guess...
I don't like talking about work.
Everyone seems to like where they are in life. I hate it. All I have is hope, that I am heading towards what I want to be. Taking the worst possible route to get there.... oh well.
Someone at work asked me today "What are you doing here then!?" I smiled, stuttered, and said "Learning"
If I had a giant life eraser, I would erase those years of MBA I did, purely so I could force myself out of my comfort zone, where I was going numb. I can see how it would have been, those 2 yrs.... if I had just stayed on... but, I see it from here. From there, I guess it wouldn't have gone as I see it now. But, I've paid my price for the ride. Still paying. Hope those debts get cleared fast. Hope I can be on level ground again...

Hope is a funny thing .... there are a gazillion things on this planet, and a million gazillions more around it... yet, we humans rely on the one things that is not there. Hope. A vision for the future, because the present needs modification. A figment of our imagination keeps us going better than anything else.

Imagination of the future, for the future... but right now, I'm looking back.

0 comments: