Cognitive Dissonance

The brain is a funny thing :)
The concept of "grass being greener on the other side" is so true, it makes me laugh.
I am resisting a major urge to pull out a paper, draw two columns that say 'Pros' and 'Cons', and list it all out in black and white. Would there be more on this or that, I wonder.
I've never felt so much out of balance with my decisions! For one thing, its not even my decision completely. Or at all ... its just that, after a month, after ALL that has happened, after more than a year ... after all that, I still don't know if it'll ever work out. Funny right?
It's like a soft melody, with fast beats, then slow ones... but the singer hasn't started singing yet, and you just wanna yell out to her "DOOOOONNNNN'TTTT SING !!! You might spoil the melody !"
Fear of the unknown is interesting. Especially when the unknown looks so interesting. Its a literal tug of war inside your head.
Initially I just totally turned a blind eye to it, refused to acknowledge it, then ..I was confused... then I got scared of all the "what if"s, then got mad at myself for being a chicken, so I became confused again. Finally I gave in, I threw a rope across to the other side.
First try, no one caught it. The rope had no noose, so obviously it didn't get caught on the other end.
I'm not throwing the rope back to the other side, but I haven't let go of it either. I'm just standing, and having a monologue with myself on if I should or not. Then I just cast the rope to the waters in between.
Hoping that it might get caught to some small branch on the other side, but all set to pull it back ... or hoping that it doesn't reach the other end.
Chances of the rope washing up there? Almost nil.
Even if it does, it's still a rope, not a log that could act as a bridge.
If it did, will I still be here near it, at my end? or would I run the minute I see someone picking it? No idea...

Since small B ain't here to tell me to "get idea" (PJ :P )

As I was saying... I have no idea... its breezy where I am. The grass on the other side looks green, greener? I don't know.
So till someone decides to throw a log, comes over, and convinces me that the grass is totally greener there, I have a feeling I'm just going to be sitting here and enjoying the breeze.... and the rope ...the tug of war? Well, that's a lovely sight, a rope floating in the water, not quite there, but not here either :)

Besides, all I have is a rope .....
:)

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