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Showing posts from February, 2011

I want

"What do you want?"


"I want .... some thing permanent,
Some thing that cannot be taken away...

Is that too much to ask?"

-Ziva David.


Why does it stay etched in my mind for so long after ...?

2011: To be

Level 1: Get a job
Level 2: Start working
Level 3: 1 month just working
Level 4: Enroll in piano classes
Level 5: Join Salsa class
Level 6: Get a piano
Level 7: Consider a touch phone
Level 8: Tata Nano

Between the lines

There’s always a little truth behind every,”Just kidding.
A little curiosity behind every “Just wondering.”
A little knowledge behind every “I don’t know.”
A little curiosity behind every 'just wondering'
A little love behind every 'I hate you'
A little uneasiness behind every 'it's ok'
A little pain behind every 'forget it'
A little hope behind every 'Good bye'
And a little emotion behind every “I don’t care.”

There's always something behind every 'nothing!'

If only we'd understand the speech behind every silence, may be someday we'd understand life...


(Author Unknown)

And it rained :)

So there I was... watching videos late into a Monday night, after a weekend where I felt positively crushed to 10 levels below the dumps. In personal and my professional life... and hope seemed like a distant feeling, where one used to feel safe.
I sat there, alone and dejected, and rather empty.
The day before, on Sunday, after a long time, I had earnestly prayed for 2 things, really earnestly... but since hope wasn't raging in my system right then, I let it slide as I walked away from Church.
When the clock ticked away, and as sleep decided to pretend its a stranger to me is when I first heard it...
Initially I thought I hadn't heard it right, you can never say for sure in the beginning, then, within minutes, like it was trying to prove a point to me, it started pounding away. I had to go out and see for myself... Feel for myself!

It was raining...
It really was raining...
As I stood there lost in time, wondering why on earth it felt like I had forgotten when it last rained.…

Full moon stared white

It happened today .
Almost picture perfect....

A beautiful full moon, in all its silver glory. Its reflection on the sea.... spread over like a blanket on grass. Me in a skirt, just like in my imagination, someone I liked beside me.

It was calm, it was peaceful, it was beautiful beyond belief.

But (Obviously there's got to be a but! The reality check, 'Pop' :)) it didn't feel dreamy, like it was supposed to! Lol. There was no ... anything. It was just quiet calm.

That's when I realized, what picture perfect would be.
It doesn't have to be a full moon, just the beach, with some one whom I had no doubts about, and some one who loved me completely.
Though, knowing me, :P, that'll never happen :)
So next time I go to the beach when it's empty, remind me to say a little thank you to the waves, the stars, the sky and the moon  for having made me some one so much at peace with myself, and some one who knows she is loved by family and friend :D and for being me…

Cognitive Dissonance

The brain is a funny thing :)
The concept of "grass being greener on the other side" is so true, it makes me laugh.
I am resisting a major urge to pull out a paper, draw two columns that say 'Pros' and 'Cons', and list it all out in black and white. Would there be more on this or that, I wonder.
I've never felt so much out of balance with my decisions! For one thing, its not even my decision completely. Or at all ... its just that, after a month, after ALL that has happened, after more than a year ... after all that, I still don't know if it'll ever work out. Funny right?
It's like a soft melody, with fast beats, then slow ones... but the singer hasn't started singing yet, and you just wanna yell out to her "DOOOOONNNNN'TTTT SING !!! You might spoil the melody !"
Fear of the unknown is interesting. Especially when the unknown looks so interesting. Its a literal tug of war inside your head.
Initially I just totally turned a bl…

Life :)

I've read this many times, every time I do, it makes more sense than the previous time. I love the way he helps us prioritize :) 


Remember the following as you go through life

1. Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your mother and I. To those who are good to you, you have to treasure it and be thankful, and ALSO you have to be cautious, because, everyone has a motive for every move. When a person is good to you, it does not mean he really likes you. You have to be careful, don't hastily regard him as a real friend.

2. No one is indispensable, nothing in the world that you must possess. Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you don't want you anymore, or when you lose what/who you love most.

3.Life is short. When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you…

Sudden realizations...

I know now for a fact that it never was, and never has been. I had just wanted it to be... which is not the same as it being. This is saddening though, not too much because it never was, rather because I couldn't tell the difference.


(10 mins ago, on CASTLE)
"How do you know if its love?"
"All the songs make sense"


(Now)
I've only ever related the love songs that I've heard to her... I haven't been in love. And this, what I had till now is definitely nothing more than a crush, now I can't tell if I ever can love....

Hair

Hair splitting.... hair raising ....

Curly...Straight...wavy ...

We wash it... we condition it ...
We iron it... we straighten it... we blow dry it ... we curl it...perm it... cut it...shape it....style it.......

One of the best forms of self expressions. And just plain expression...

A girl runs her hand through her hair when she sees someone she likes.
Every time a guy on a bike races me, he runs his hand through his hair without fail.

I've always been a tie-it-up, keep-it-simple kind of girl. Mainly because its so hot here.
But when I'm out and alone, its normally down, something to hide behind.
You'll know when I feel at home, when I put my hair up ...
When I felt rebellious, I colored it.
When I'm trying to impress, its definitely down, with a small glittery clip, which doesn't do much, except sit there and wink.

After my first break up (only :P ) I went and got my hair cut.
When I had to leave home (for hostel life) for the first time, I cut my hair even more.