Showing posts from January, 2011

Jump ... !

Just saw bits of the movie "jumper" again.
I personally love the faces of both Rachel and Hayden, they have such frank open faces, though, his has a shade of sadness/ worry etched on it... She's of course very very pretty too.
As for the movie, it got me wondering, would I have preferred to be the Jumper or his girl friend.
Pros and Cons analysis:
Gets pampered, leads normal life, is taken places, and has an absolutely exciting relationship, which she can never actually get bored of (I think ...)
Gets to go where he wants, when he wants,
Doesn't need money at all,
Go were he wants when he wants :P

Who am I kidding ?! Of course I'll prefer being the jumper !

When my aunt came marching in !

I wanted to make this a funny post. Because the whole idea seemed so ridiculous.
My aunt marched in today, and said "So there's my beautiful bride to be!"
"Nice joke" I thought...She sat with me while i ate my lunch and spoke all about her wedding day, and their 40 years of marriage. She is rather animated, and I enjoyed all her stories. Once I was done with my lunch, she insisted I "Make myself up" so she could take some photographs, to show prospective grooms.
"Thats pushing the joke a bit" I thought to myself as I laughed... she took out her camera. I thought she was just making up another one of her funny stories before taking pictures. I obliged by sitting next to her as uncle clicked.
"Make her stand against the wall, we'll take one full length and one half length photograph" he said.
Panic bells were ringing at a distant corner of my brain. The joke didn't seem all that funny anymore.
"Of course they wouldn'…

Choices of the heart

Is it better to say it and live with no regret, or is it better to never say it and stay with one less broken piece of heart?
I never wanted to say it... Not the last time. Not now. I shouldn't have. Now I know with so much certainty that it's going to be a no... so why bother with all the anticipation-build-up?!
You say I'm negative... because I expect the worst to happen. If you end up refusing, which is what you are going to do anyway, you've got to stop saying that I'm negative, and accept that I am indeed practical, because, this world is not a bed of rose petals, and one is always happier when she keeps looking out for the thorns.


Something or the other is always throwing me off-balance, a little too easily if you ask me! Especially, or rather in one particular aspect of my life.
Why does one woman's sleepy-ness result in my sleeplessness so easily ???

Why can't some people accept the fact that I moved on, that I realized that somethings I did were silly, why do they wanna hang on to that and make me feel miserable about it?!

My word

I just finished watching "Eat, Pray, Love".
Beautiful movie :)

I read reviews stating that the movie was too far fetched. A woman with a fulfilling career and a husband who adores her is not satisfied with her life, and goes on a quest of self discovery. Reviewers called her an idiot, and said she was giving up what many people would kill for. I on the other hand, like Viola Davis, feel that those who call her an idiot are in fact jealous that they don't have the courage to cut all ties and take off too.

At the end of the year, she finds the word that describes her the best: Attraversiamo.
This is an extract from another blog.
Imagine walking down the 'street' with someone you love and you want to go to the other side but it's just too much to do alone.Attraversiamo. Let's cross over...together. Or better yet. You want to cross over but you just don't have it within you to say it. The person you love and who loves you says it.Attraversiamo. They say it…

The L word

Jokes and seriousness...

I found out, finally, what my greatest fear is. At some level I think I always knew.
My greatest fear, is the fear of falling in love with someone. So much in love, that when they leave you, which I seem to be sure they will, it feels like the your world crashed down on you, and its too .... heavy to stand up again.
Quick recap on every time till now:
First time: as much as I say I was hurt because he broke it off, I was the one who suggested "trying" it out for 3 months, rather than actually committing myself. When he called it off in 3 months, My doubts, which I always hold so close to my heart got confirmed. People you love, leave you, and you're left with an empty heart.

Second time: I all but screamed to the guy "Say NO!", I played on every point that he isn't comfortable with. and
almost danced with relief when he did.

I didn't want a relationship! I wanted to prove to myself that I was ready for one! By pretending to take…

3 AM ...

It's 3 AM, of a whole row of sleepless nights.
I sit by the window, and watch the street lamps throw light on the road...
Did you know that crows wake up around 3.30 AM? I found that out a couple of days back...confirmed it yesterday.
I sit here, night after night, watching random doramas, waiting till I can take no more, and can crash in my bed, with no dream to haunt my sleep. Thinking... What could have been is better than what never was.
So many loose ends, and I don't think I will be able to keep my sanity if I thought of what happened/ didn't happen between us too... It doesn't make sense to me, and I'm too tired and exhausted to continue trying to figure it out at the moment.
Random memories skip through my brain... I imagine scenarios of us meeting, and how I might handle it... I can't keep doing this. You said you could never watch me cry. How is it fair for you to just let me cry and pretend it's fine?
I heard that you were alright, asked about yo…


"I am here….at his office", she thought; as the security personnel prepared her visitors' pass. She was meeting someone there.

 He didn't know that she was there. She hadn't told him. She hadn't told him much the past few days. They had had a fight. It started off as something simple… she telling him about her New Year Resolutions, the one that concerned him; "I won't call you or ask you for anything till my birthday"
"Do as you please," he had said. "But you know you could ask me anything anytime. It was just that one time…."
She debated over whether or not she should tell him that she was there. Though they were in a fight right then, that wasn't the reason she was so apprehensive about telling him. A five year friendship would've overruled the possibility of that. She didn't want to tell him because she was scared that he would be embarrassed about her at his work place too.

In the five years they had known each o…

Dear diary ... I messed up today.

I did what I vowed I wouldn't. In the most messed up way possible.
There's somebody I like, more than as a friend. But you know me, I have to say it, or my head will burst, no matter how hard I try. I make sure that the situation is the most adverse... the way I say it, even to me screams out that the answer would be a no. at some levels, who am I kidding, at many levels, I WANT it to be a no.

I'm not ready for a relationship! All I want is companionship. A friend, who... would be my rock.
Maybe more than a friend.... but... this is coming out all wrong!

Ok ok.. I'll simplify, I'm ready for a relationship, I want one in fact, I want the feeling of security that a relationship provides, but I am not, have never been, and currently doubting if I EVER will be ready for a marriage.

So... I'm hoping I didn't sabotage another friendship.

Its all so clear in my head now, thanks to the writing. But not clear in the life area, more that a few messy bits.
I am not ha…

New year, New dawn.... New me?

Is it possible to change overnight?
Is reformation a tried and tested concept ?
I have vowed to change many things about me this year, and try a few things out as well, is it possible and plausible ??

My New Year Resolutions 2011:

1. Get a job.
   Kind of going crazy trying new things, I think I'm ready to settle down with a regular paycheck again .
2. Finish anything that I begin, with commitment.
   Right through to the end.
3. Start off on my PhD
    Social Psychology. So start preparing for UGC NET - ASAP !!!
4. Get flowers from somebody this Valentines day.
    Sounds crazy? Well hear me out anyways... I'm not ready for a commitment - boy friend types, but I wouldn't mind someone, more than a friend. besides, this current crush of mine, and the fear of it is kind of overwhelming, so a bunch of nice cheerful red/pink flowers (tulips would be asking for too much :P ) would do. maybe a boz of chocolates too.. but its the flowers I want. Before I turn the horrid 23 you se…

PICTURES :) :) ;)

Thrashing Waves

Sun Rays
Almost out
Foot Steps
Sunrise :)
Sun... cloud... beauty
Before I left
Head tilt Light house :P

Meaningless Encounters :)

I went to the beach today morning to the sunrise. It was beautiful, it was gorgeous, it was ....WOW !
My first bike ride of the year, my first 'sunrise at the ocean' of the year...
I even got to meet my friend there :)
 We see, and experience so many new things everyday, somethings, we remember more, some things bring a smile to your face.
I loved the sea, I loved the different sounds, sights and smells that accompany the ocean. They put a smile on my face, but those are things that I expected to see.
As I was riding back today, there was this guy who stopped next to me at the signal. He was riding a Pulsar, wearing a black helmet, and a blue checked shirt with jeans. The shirt was folded to the elbow. We both took off from the signal, me a few seconds ahead of him. It was the morning, traffic was light, and I was feeling great, so I accelerated hard. I just wanted to overtake another guy in front of me, so I did, loving the thrill, kept going fast. Sure enough, I could see th…