Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Life's Irony - Missing what's in front of you

This post ...this acceptance is being made after a lot of contemplation, and a LOT of life in denial.
My friend and I go walking every evening, 40 mins. Both of us being girls in the early twenties, single and unmarried, who have a tendency to have in a few romantic fantasies (okay, maybe more than a few); our topic of conversation often revolves around men, marriage and the moon.
I've always wanted to be single.
I even have my perfect life plan, complete with various locations, taking into account the more minute details. Details, which till date have never involved a man (except during one very confusing week).
My track record won't exactly help anyone believe that. But my friends, those who know me best, will vouch for it, and have given me more than a small piece of their minds trying to convince me otherwise!
Thing is, I've tried.
Done my fair share of experimenting, still at it. And as my aunt keeps telling me, "don't lose yourself in all your experimentation". I don't. I have a very strong concept of myself. STRONG family backup.
My dad is comparatively quite open and gives me a lot of freedom, which I try my best never to misuse.
All that said and done, the biggest problem is I'm not a big fan of physical intimacy. Haven't ever been as far as I can remember. I like being pampered, I like being taken care of, I like taking care of people ... I like loving and being loved basically. Purely in the intellectual sense.
It's like I like only the cake and hate the cream. Unfortunately, in life it's not as simple as eat the cake, throw the cream away, definitely not in adult life !!!
The more I grow older, the more I realize that.
In this aspect. I have everything one could want, and in someways, I have nothing.
I have a guy who loves me, I guy who treats me exactly the way I want him to ...A guy whom I can never love. Can't ever even consider!
As days go by, I regret this ...
This is not like my fantasy world. The guy is real. With real emotions. Which could get hurt.
Whatever crazy game I'm playing, God save me !
Or rather ...God save him!!

Wondering what the irony is?
I'm starting to wonder if there really would be a (any) guy (somewhere, not this one), who would fit both my dad's and my requirement ... who wants only the cake :P
I'm doubting it. Big time.
Time will tell :)

1 comments:

gitanjali.j said...

jen jen :P such guys..dont exist at all :P it comes free with the y chromosome.