Thursday, December 31, 2009

When you know for sure :)

I just finished watching Notting Hill.
For probably the hundredth time :)
Every time, like reading a book again, something strikes me as new and sweet / not so sweet.
I was watching and wondering today, as something struck me at the climax.
Those of you who haven't watched the movie, I would recommend you watch it and get back to the rest of the post. :)
The part where they're in the press conference, and he had just proposed, and she accepted, in so many words, maybe not the right ones, and definitely not the most romantic of situations, that.
They're both so far away, but the million dollar smiles on each of their faces, as they look at each other ... because now they know, that ... that's the one, that's the one who's going to make me happier, forever, from now on.
Staying where they are, but the room doesn't seem to matter.
When he is slightly out of focus, she tilts her head... just a bit, and the smile that wavered for a second there, is on again. Full blast.
Must be nice to know, when you're in a room, so far away from each other, and you turn to look, and someone has a smile for you, a smile he would use only for you, and you know he's all yours :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Life's Irony - Missing what's in front of you

This post ...this acceptance is being made after a lot of contemplation, and a LOT of life in denial.
My friend and I go walking every evening, 40 mins. Both of us being girls in the early twenties, single and unmarried, who have a tendency to have in a few romantic fantasies (okay, maybe more than a few); our topic of conversation often revolves around men, marriage and the moon.
I've always wanted to be single.
I even have my perfect life plan, complete with various locations, taking into account the more minute details. Details, which till date have never involved a man (except during one very confusing week).
My track record won't exactly help anyone believe that. But my friends, those who know me best, will vouch for it, and have given me more than a small piece of their minds trying to convince me otherwise!
Thing is, I've tried.
Done my fair share of experimenting, still at it. And as my aunt keeps telling me, "don't lose yourself in all your experimentation". I don't. I have a very strong concept of myself. STRONG family backup.
My dad is comparatively quite open and gives me a lot of freedom, which I try my best never to misuse.
All that said and done, the biggest problem is I'm not a big fan of physical intimacy. Haven't ever been as far as I can remember. I like being pampered, I like being taken care of, I like taking care of people ... I like loving and being loved basically. Purely in the intellectual sense.
It's like I like only the cake and hate the cream. Unfortunately, in life it's not as simple as eat the cake, throw the cream away, definitely not in adult life !!!
The more I grow older, the more I realize that.
In this aspect. I have everything one could want, and in someways, I have nothing.
I have a guy who loves me, I guy who treats me exactly the way I want him to ...A guy whom I can never love. Can't ever even consider!
As days go by, I regret this ...
This is not like my fantasy world. The guy is real. With real emotions. Which could get hurt.
Whatever crazy game I'm playing, God save me !
Or rather ...God save him!!

Wondering what the irony is?
I'm starting to wonder if there really would be a (any) guy (somewhere, not this one), who would fit both my dad's and my requirement ... who wants only the cake :P
I'm doubting it. Big time.
Time will tell :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas !!!

A very Christmas to all of you :)

A beautiful Christmas, in so many ways ...
The climate's perfect!
I'm surrounded by people who love me, in spite of the fact that I'm so far away from home.
I don't have major regrets for things I did, or things I shouldn't have done, kept those to a minimum or I've already worked out solutions :)
Spoke to my Dad, sis ...cousins... friends ...almost everyone who matters.
Went and wished God a very Happy Birthday.
(There were 10 kings in the Church crib !!!! many of them hiding or sneaking off in the opposite direction :P the main ones were there though, thats what matters na :P )
Quite a few people said I looked pretty today (Vain I know ;) )
My room is decorated ...
I did my share for the community, however small it is :)
There was cake too, vanilla cake :)
I even got a few Christmas gifts, one surprise gift at 12, like I found it under the tree :)
My future looks reasonably solid and bright from where I stand (distant future I mean, Got exams in a couple of days, for that I'm not saying much o.o.)

Christmas does not hold the same meaning it once it. It's different. It's a ... beautiful season, excitement ...sometimes forced. I still love it, but is it only because of habit, I cannot tell.
Today morning, I had a realization. I think it's sort of God's gift to me.
And like God's gifts, it's very hard to decipher, but I know I might just learn to like it ...
The realization was, the bubble I like in... all my walls of defenses ..I've been living for about 3 years thinking this is how it will be from now on, and cold hearted as it may I may seem, I've learnt to live with it. All the walls around me. Decisions as objective as possible, avoiding getting attached as much as possible, walking off before a blink when I get even the slightest inkling that it doesn't matter. You get the drift .... well it felt like someone was telling me that it will all eventually fade ... the walls, the defenses, the whole thing (I think). And it won't be sudden or drastic... but eventually in 3 years or so.. :)
Thats nice I think. I can loosen up a bit :)

I don't know what you got for Christmas, but I would like to give you,

A smile

And wish for you,

Hope, for that's one of the best things we can have, even when all else fails
Love, loads and loads of it !!! Beautiful thing, that keeps the world spinning :)
A hug from and for someone you love
and Peace when you close your eyes, so that it brings that smile on your face .

Merry Christmas !!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Placement Fever

It's in the air ...
It's in my friend.
It's everywhere.
Am I feeling it too finally?
I think so !!!
I'm not particularly worried, not even tensed or anxious, just something in my system which is all excited about the possibilities this week might hold, or the disappointments it might bring.
Fingers and toes crossed!
Pray for me people.