Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Growing up

Everyone says that as we grow up, we lose our imagination. We become cynical. We stop believing in the possibility of many things.
Recent events have led me to believe otherwise ... The deal as I see it is, as we grow up, we are responsible not just for ourselves any more. Our actions cannot all be written off to stupidity, as the results will affect many. We also understand boundaries better. Boundaries which were quite hazy when we were younger. Boundaries we didn't have the maturity to understand.

So it's not that we lose our imagination, but it's just that our vision is more well defined now, leaving not much room for "happily ever after"s after the prince meets the princess, rather, Prince meets princess, they fall in love, argue over things, see if they can resolve their issues, will their families get along ? Do their values match? Do they want similar things out of life? and finally the biggest hurdle of them all, the highest rod:
Will the SOCIETY accept it ???

I live in a collectivist country. So is the society around me is collectivistic too. I am an individualist. Till sometime ago, I used to think it's just my mindset that matters. But, I am now older, and cannot afford to be that naive anymore. I just realized that no matter what, the society plays a major role, even in some of my most personal decisions. I'm not going to let them do that to me, but I can't do whatever I want either. So I will do what I want, ... when the society finally decides to stop trying to make my decisions for me ... or I might give in. But I pray that they don't do that to me.

When I was younger life was like a bed of roses, moving along was so easy. Now that I'm older, I thought I can carry on, on my own. I am starting to realize that people were dethorning the roses for me. Now I have to do it myself, or walk carefully around them.

Adults are not cynical, they're realistic.
I don't know about others, but I am very sad that I have to leave my childhood days behind. I used to laugh when people said that before, now I understand.
But I wish I didn't have to.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Expectations and doubt

Another walk along the shore ...
With my dad.
Him, deep in a conversation in his mobile phone, and me with the water ...
We were walking parallely, him on soil, and me along the waves.
Every once in a few seconds we'd look at each other and smile , or we'd hold hands from our sides and keep walking along the beach.

The sea was rough that day ... there was no moon in the sky.
The waves were thrashing, like she... the sea ... missed the moon too much. Even if the separation was for merely one day, though she must've known for sure that the moon will come back.

As I was walking, I had a funny thought.
I was feeling perfectly safe with my dad there, but not just safe ... I felt secure. Loved.
Him on his call.
The funny part ? If I were (Big big IF ) walking there with a boy friend, and had he been on the phone for more than 3 minutes, I would already have been shooting daggers at him with my eyes. Definitely wouldn't have been happy with "behaviour" and oh, he would've known.
Women are irrational. Women in love, are insane. Totally.
The scary part ? If I were married (Big big big big ....IF ) I probably wouldn't have minded, just like with my dad. Scary right !!! I don't want it to become that ... taken for granted.
With my dad, it's different.
I don't want any other guy ... within that .... I don't want a guy in my comfort zone basically.

But I loved the night ... the waves raging ... you'd think the sea was supposed to be a calm thing ... tranquil. But no. Oh no. She doesn't even have patience for a little hide and seek !!! But you or I can't test her patience , only one can. We all know who :) I wonder what it must feel like ...
I'm fine just wondering, don't want to find out. Don't want to find out if the knowledge is worth it.


Have fun !

P.S. Oh yeah baby, I'm back :D