So close, yet so very far ...

I think I finally have a fairly decent idea about who I am. I once thought that it was all I needed for everything else to fall into place. Guess what, its not. There were things I've wanted, desperately at times. Haven't got what I wanted. Now, when what I didn't know know I wanted, infact I was quite sure (till before) that I never wanted it, But I liked having it. I let it go when I had to. It never was mine I suppose. I am yet to figure out how much I wanted it. Or how much (if at all) I'll actually miss it. the bird left the hand, I knew it would, I wouldn't have known how to handle it anyway ... But now it still circles above me... so close at time, I don't know how to handle it now ... Worse still I'm scared to look beyond, consider alternatives. I've never been a person to regret things once I've done something. But I did regret that one thing, which part held more regret I can't tell, but regret I do. People learn from experiences, should I start looking for the lesson or is the experience not over yet ? I always feel like I'm looking for answers, answers which are hard to come by, answers which I may have already, but am scared to face. Answers which will probably hurt a thousand times more than just questioning. I want the same thing I've wanted thousands of times before, will someone tell me it'll be alright ? Why won't time just pass me by ....

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