Thursday, September 18, 2008

Not that purse ...

I dropped my purse as I was riding,
I saw it fall,
I saw where it fell, 
But i didn't stop to pick it up,
I was scared I'll fall, 
I wanted my purse, 
I kept going on ... 
I decided I won't miss it, 
I forgot about it. 
I didn't want to.
But I did.
Eventually I reached my destination, 
I had to open the door...
My keys were in my purse .... 
I don't remember where I lost it.

Its not really not about that purse,
Its about those keys.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Butterflies ...

If you had read any of the other posts in this blog and thought that the writer was sad / depressed, I'm here to tell you otherwise :P Actually I mostly vent out my frustration by writing.  Hence such sad themes.I'm not here to mourn today though, I'm here to tell you about my favourite part of this place where I'm living. (
 Which is not home)
Before we go on ... I'll tell you about "here" , its a hostel, which are actually homes. Confusing ?
 Its simple , we have houses which the university provides en lieu de hostels. My first hostel, more of a home and a room mate who has to put up with my ... orderliness necessities :P Crazy class timings. bad food. Fun friends ... but the best bit (best coz its not there back home, and is unique to this place)  are the butterflies here.
they come in all colours. I saw my first blue butterfly here , and the white ones with varied coloured wing borders... pretty yellow ones, bright green ones ...
Have any of u seen Bleach ? There butterflies are kind of like lost souls which are happy souls which are just wandering around ...
These remind of them. They seem to live in a world of their own, cocentrating on the flowers even though they have to negotiate thorns for that. I want to be like that one day ... 

Did I mention there are Cherry Blossoms in my campus ? :)


Thursday, September 11, 2008

So close, yet so very far ...

I think I finally have a fairly decent idea about who I am. I once thought that it was all I needed for everything else to fall into place. Guess what, its not. There were things I've wanted, desperately at times. Haven't got what I wanted. Now, when what I didn't know know I wanted, infact I was quite sure (till before) that I never wanted it, But I liked having it. I let it go when I had to. It never was mine I suppose. I am yet to figure out how much I wanted it. Or how much (if at all) I'll actually miss it. the bird left the hand, I knew it would, I wouldn't have known how to handle it anyway ... But now it still circles above me... so close at time, I don't know how to handle it now ... Worse still I'm scared to look beyond, consider alternatives. I've never been a person to regret things once I've done something. But I did regret that one thing, which part held more regret I can't tell, but regret I do. People learn from experiences, should I start looking for the lesson or is the experience not over yet ? I always feel like I'm looking for answers, answers which are hard to come by, answers which I may have already, but am scared to face. Answers which will probably hurt a thousand times more than just questioning. I want the same thing I've wanted thousands of times before, will someone tell me it'll be alright ? Why won't time just pass me by ....

I accept ! I am not emotionally attached ! Happy?!?!

IF you had any doubts, don't . I am angry now. Very angry. Not with anyone or anything in particular. Just red rage !
Some one pointed out that I don't look like I get emotionally attached, and they didn't know if that was good or not ... well . I don't know either. But I don't think I have a choice , Dammit !
First she leaves, then juggy gets married, then I leave UG, then that ends, I leave home, Bummer's gonna get married in less than a month, lady labak leaving to the UK before that ! 
Why the hell should I get emotionally attached to anything at all ? They are all , ALL , gonna leave me anyway ! I am on my own. 
I refute, I do get emotionally attached, to imaginary things. Like Touya for instance. they stay.
I can't get emotionally attached. Maybe I might one day.
So as of now, anyone looking for emotionally attached relationship, steer clear.
Hope I was clear enough.
Have a great day !

Blogger again

Its been a long time ...
Blogs were inaccessible till now. Sowie !
Well its actually been only 2 and a half months, but I've come a long way from where I used to be. From where I belonged.
This place is nice, I feel almost 0 attachment to the place as such. Its just like a stepping stone. Thats all it feels like. 
The people here are sweet, I've got loads of friend. Some very good.
Its so different though, the vibes, the norms, the cultures, the attitudes, the perception ... EVERYTHING ! 
I'm more a watcher here than I ever was before ! And there have been enough interesting things going on around me :P
I hope I get used to this place ... I think I just might ... :)