The ultimate end ...

What really is life or death ?

One day .... long ago , I made a list of the top five ways which I would prefer dying in. Now that list and a whole lot of other things make no sense . I might be living this life, but I definitely don't have much control in it. And without a doubt, I do not control the way I die. No one does. Even those who suicide.

What is death ? Is it painful ? How does if feel inside ? Is it scary ? Does one abruptly stop living, or is the transition slower ... like falling in water ? Where does one go after they are dead ? Is it a nice place ?

I want to write so much more ... anything at all . Anything that will take my mind of this . I used to be able to write what I felt . I haven't written anything for than 7 months now. I haven't felt anything for more than 7 months ... externally - I've been happy, sad, angry, irritated, and the other , so called normal feelings. Internally - I must've died sometime. I can't feel anything anymore. Not like I used to. Not the way one feels when it matters. When anything matters. This kind of death is ..... unnoticed ... like u suddenly notice that you're no more in your body.

When someone dies ... who is it about ? Is it about the person who dies ? Or the prople left behind ?

I know the concept of having a blog is to anounce yourself to the world. But I hope no one reads mine. Why am I still writing you ask ? I just wanted to talk to someone, this way, I can pretend someone's reading while hoping that no one does.

And also hoping ... may be just a bit, maybe a lot more than that ... that I'm not alive.

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