I'm writing this because I really wanted to talk to somebody ...
Those who care don't seem to be able understand what I'm going through, trying to tell them. Those who understand .... well I'm not sure if they care. And she who understood and cared isn't here with me now.
What do I want to say ? I don't know ... I sometimes wish that someone will just hold me and tell me it'll be ok, and mean it. I wish I knew what'll happen next, where I'll be next. I wish I knew if anyone truly cares enough to trust me completely. If they'll let me follow my heart. I wish I could get across a point without being sarcastic or hurt someone in the process. I wish a hundred other things.
But what I wish most is to be able to handle any situation I am in. Is that too much to ask ?
Am I too self centred and selfish ? Can I make one right decision ?!
What I wanted to say ... I'm shit scared. About what I will have to do next. Will I get in a university? Will I be able to do well there ? I ... the hostel, the guys, new friends, different place, far from home, different curriculum, whole new set of expectation.... will I stay in touch with my old friends ? I'm scared.
I'm scared I'll mess up everything everywhere. My relationships now, my exams that are coming and any chance of getting into a good university. Infact , I seem to have gotten a head start in that.
My anger is close to the surface. I just wanna scream and yell. I want to cry. I'm scared ...